Type-in comedy

*** DISCLAIMER: my English is not that good, so I don’t know if “streaking” is the most appropriate word for what I’m trying to express. Anyway, I am not referring to streaking as running naked in public. ***

I am a stand-up comedian trapped in the body of a socially awkward geek with moderate charisma. I am a sit-down, type-in comedian. And I love each and every one of you socially challenged weirdos.

[ .. pause for cheering audience .. ]

What’s the deal with streaking?
You know!!! The thing where everyone feels compelled to follow a bozo in a line, screaming and cheering.
WHO IS THAT GUY, anyway?? For once, I would like to punch him in the face. I would take him aside for a minute, tell him – “Duuuude, you rock! You’re the life of the party and everyone wants to be you! HELL YEAAAAAH!” – and then I’d punch him straight in the face. If he didn’t get the picture, I’d just take a couple of steps back and kick him in the nuts. Try streaking with your legs crossed! Jackass.
Streaking happens in every club, at every company Christmas party, wedding, stag party, you name it. Hell, I’ve even witnessed streaking at funerals, in tiny-alleyed cemeteries. True story!

Here’s a question for ya. Which streaking song do you hate most?
Is it the “La cucaracha” song? I’ve heard it so many times that I developed an allergic reaction to it and then acquired immunity. Several times. Right now, my ears bleed when they play it. Guess which stage I’m in.
But wait! Who can forget the lame-ass slightly-more-energetic shoot-me-in-the-foot-or-just-end-my-misery-now “Follow da leader” song?
There’s more. You know how some songs are not typically streaking songs and yet someone gets people to streak to those? I’d like to punch that guy twice.

You think I’m done? By the time I’m through with this, you will never want to hear the word “streaking” again, let alone witness an actual streaking.

You know that feeling when everyone wants to drag you by the hand and get you streaking, too? You stubbornly decline every time, sit on the side and watch the freak-show. Every once in a while, someone in the line would want to prove he’s having more fun than the other line forming zombies. He’d scream memorable things like “YEAAAH”, “HELL YEAAAH”, “WOOO HOOOO”, “I AM THE KING OF THE WORLD”. YES, you moron! The only reason you think this is more fun than your usual jacking-off routine is because you do that 100 times a month.

Once in a while the unthinkable happens. It’s either a very convincing drunk buddy of yours, a chick you dig or a bride/groom whom you can’t let down on their wedding. And suddenly you’re dragged in the line. “Nooo, I’m streaking!!!. How did this happen? Oh well, I might as well pretend to have fun.”. And you go like “Wooohooo, I am the king of the wooorld” while people on the side or sitting at tables watch you in discomfort and awkward amusement.

Here’s a streaking I actually enjoyed.