Epiphanies

I had this article idea in my head for a while now so I’m glad to finally share my thoughts on this subject.

What are epiphanies? Epiphanies are those “A-HA!” moments that completely change the way you view yourself or the world. Why do I think they’re one of the greatest things in life? Because they instantly change the way you feel about something and they practically reshape you into a new person. I guess the concept is similar to “learning from your own mistakes”. You learn from your mistakes, although it would be better if you managed to extract that knowledge from others’ experience. Same goes for epiphanies, but another way to look at it is.. people have a revelation about something when they’re ready for it (after years of not embracing a concept because it doesn’t match their way of thinking).

The following list may sound trivial to you, but if your first reaction “yeah, whatever.. everyone knows that” you should ask yourself if you internalized that concept. In other words, there’s a huge difference between knowing how to do something and actually doing it. When you behave in a certain fashion and it feels natural to you, only then you can say your thoughts and your actions are congruent. So here are just a few of my epiphanies:

• Stepping up and facing the things that scare you. In other words: “go for it” or “just do it”. I internalized this concept in college. There was a class in which, in order to get points, you had to volunteer, go to the chalkboard and solve problems. This would have seriously affected my final score if it wasn’t for a colleague of mine who has absolutely no sense of the ridicule. He kept pushing me in front of the others, making me feel more and more uncomfortable, until I was so pissed off that I said “OK ALREADY, I’ll do it”. And I did. And I kept doing it until I got all my points.
• Don’t underestimate your resourcefulness in almost-impossible situations. This also happened in college. There was a really tough exam for which I had studied for 5 days in a row. One night before the exam I was so tired that I almost wanted to quit and not attend the exam at all. To top it off, there was one more problem type I had to learn to solve and it was the hardest of all, also requiring considerable solving time. It would have been a pity to give up after all the hard work. But I was    SO    tired. Anyway, I finally bit my lip and gave myself a push: with the help of the almighty Coke I stayed up for about 4 hours. I had to memorize a lot of complicated formulas and there was simply no time to learn them logically. So I made up some really weird mnemonics in order to remember them, out of desperation. To my astonishment , I actually remembered the formulas while taking the exam, although it took a considerable amount of concentration. Outcome: I passed that exam. I was surprised to see that a very bright colleague of mine failed that exam, which was inconceivable for him. A-HA!!!
• People are not as interesting or successful as they appear. I learned this by watching a very charismatic friend of mine take over conversations and be the center of attention every time I went out with him and other people joined. He told the same stories over and over. And they worked. They became boring for me, but if there was a single person at the table that hadn’t heard them before, his success was guaranteed. After that I started noticing all kinds of patterns in people I met. Similarly, I wrote in a previous post that people are more fucked up than you think. I guess another way to put it is.. everybody wears a mask.
• This applies only to guys: persistence may prove successful. I learned this in a beautiful way: out of sheer naiveness. My first date ever didn’t go too well. The thing is, the girl didn’t explicitly tell me to fuck off so I called her house every week. She kept making excuses not to go out with me. I was too naive to get the hint, so I kept calling. After a couple months she finally accepted to go out with me again and we stayed together for quite a while. At one point she told me that she appreciated the fact that I fought for her. Anyway, I have to enforce the fact that this does not apply to girls, because guys have a different thinking system and they make up their minds from the beginning. A persistent girl will lose her dignity in the process and she will get a pity fuck, at most.

As I said.. it is one thing to agree with something, while internalizing it is a whole different story. But if there was just one idea I’d like you to extract from this article is: always look for those A-HA moments in your life. Turn simple experiences that you’d otherwise take for granted into epiphanies. It’s up to you how quickly you want to improve.

Slay the monster within

I promised myself that I would not write posts on sensitive subjects when I feel down. That’s simply because I learned that when you have a crappy day, the last thing you want to do is let that lousy feeling take over and affect your actions. I’m having a great day today so I’ve decided it’s the perfect time to tackle a dark subject.
I’ve seen and experienced some disturbing shit in my life, especially during childhood. Things seem to have settled down in the past years, but.. hey, you never know what life has in store for you. The thing is, I used to bitch about how tough and unfair my life was. To myself and a select circle of friends. Of course I did, I was just a kid. But what about right now, when I’m 27 years old? Am I gonna let all those buried experiences surface? Are YOU?

I had an epiphany one day, as I was walking in my hometown with a friend. He bumped into an ex school mate of his and they engaged in a short chat. At one point, I learned that the guy had the same problem in his life as I did. What struck me was the fact that he was talking about a thing I’d never talk about in front of someone I don’t know. There was no emotion in his voice, he was a bit bitter, but he talked about it like it was some minor annoyance. Then I thought.. “Duuude, his life must really suck, since he probably has way more problems than I do”. And there you go.. lesson learned. People are more fucked up than you think and most of them had dark episodes in their lives. Whether they were self-inflicted or they were caused by other factors, it doesn’t matter. They somehow managed to get over them and move on.

Lesson learned, but that doesn’t mean I stopped whining. But it so happened that some people opened up to me and shared some of the things that happened in their lives. Broken marriages between parents, one parent dead or supporting both parents. I’ve heard them all. And these confessions helped enforce the idea that I must put what happened to me behind and not let it bring me down. As a matter of fact, as crazy as it sounds, I started looking for advantages in the shittiest situations. I started asking myself: “How can I turn this into a positive situation for me?”; “What have I learned from all this?”; “What aspects of my personality were affected in a positive way?”.

If you still thinks life is unfair and some people have it all, ask yourself this question: if you managed to bypass all the hurdles in your life and got to where you are right now, is that person really better than you? Probably not. Then why the hell would you give-in to depression or let simple things affect you? WHY? Because you had a rough life? That’s no excuse for turning boredom into depression. That’s no excuse for having anxiety in a certain situation, just because you made a fool of yourself in the same situation 10 years ago.

So do me a favor and kill your inner demons by having the strength to look back and laugh about all the things that scare you. Whether it’s some tragedy in your family, some recurring nightmare you used to have for a few months, being made fun of at school, or whatever.. it doesn’t matter. Slay that monster and have absolutely no regrets. Just live for the moment.

Here’s a song that always motivated me when my energy was drained out..

Terapie prin relatie neserioasa

Vorbeam, acum o saptamana, cu un amic, despre relatia lui cu o tipa. M-a distrat atat de mult perspectiva lui, incat am zis ca trebuie sa scriu despre subiectul asta.
Ei bine, el se intalneste cu o fata cu care nu are ganduri serioase, lucru pe care i l-a spus si ei. Foarte frumos din partea lui. Acuma, majoritatea femeilor nu accepta lucrul asta, daca abordarea nu este corecta. Daca se impaca cu ideea, ar fi bine sa procedezi in asa fel incat ea sa se simta respectata si sa nu aiba impresia ca si-a pierdut demnitatea. Ce aduce in plus modul lui de a privi lucrurile? Pai.. el considera ca poate scoate ce e mai bun dintr-o tipa, chiar si intr-o astfel de relatie, ajutand-o sa scape de inhibitii, complexe, prejudecati, etc. Atitudinea lui m-a distrat, dar, hei.. asta nu inseamna ca nu sunt total de acord!

Chiar sunt de parere ca e bine sa pornesti de la ideea ca prin interactiunea ta cu o persoana de sex opus aduci mai multe beneficii decat cel evident. In felul asta, aveti amandoi ceva de castigat, invatati unul de la altul, iar cand totul se termina, ramane loc de buna-ziua (sau de buna-seara). Niciuna din parti nu trebuie sa ramana cu un gust amar, nu trebuie sa existe regrete, ci doar o senzatie de autodepasire. Nu e un mod mai interesant de a privi lucrurile?
Da, poti face minuni printr-o buna comunicare si.. da, comunicarea poate incepe din pat. Citez:

Lumea vorbeste de compatibilitate, da.. e adevarat, tre’ sa existe o chimie.. dar prin comunicare poti ajunge la performante intr-un scurt timp. Partea proasta e ca majoritatea din noi au probleme la capitolul asta.. ne deschidem greu fata de o persoana noua si de aceea cred ca daca o persoana e deschisa, uneori socant de deschisa, e spre binele relatiei.

Din modesta mea experienta, pot extrage una sau doua situatii in care, chiar daca era cunoscut faptul ca relatia nu are viitor, am beneficiat amandoi de o transformare pozitiva. Voiam sa impartasesc una din ele aici, dar m-am gandit mai bine si.. chiar daca au trecut ani buni de atunci, parca e cam aiurea sa povestesc chestii de genul asta pe blog. Ma mai gandesc, poate o pun la comments.

Astea fiind spuse, va anunt ca ma voi dedica in totalitate acestui concept si ofer sedinte gratuite de terapie prin casual relationship. Te voi ajuta sa evoluezi pe mai multe planuri. Da.. pe tine! Si pe tine! Chiar si pe tine. Tu nu.. tu esti naspa. Who’s your guru?

Ce nu vreau de la viata

E foarte greu sa fac o lista cu niste asteptari de la viata, avand in vedere ca in ultimele luni m-am tot schimbat, poate intr-un ritm mai drastic decat se intampla acum 5 ani, de exemplu. Mai e loc de imbunatatiri si sunt setat pe turbo, ca sa nu mai simt ca trece timpul pe langa mine. Astea fiind spuse, iata lista lucrurilor pe care vreau sa le evit:

• nu vreau o prietena care sa-mi accepte defectele (cele care pot fi corectate)
• nu vreau o prietena cicalitoare / proasta / uptight / nejucausa / conservatoare / posesiva etc.
• nu (mai) vreau credite si nu o sa ma las influentat de societatea de consum ca sa cumpar toate prostiile
• masina care mi-o iau NU o sa fie jeep, suv, break sau alta monstruozitate in forma de vapor
• daca stau sa ma gandesc mai bine, nu vreau sa-mi iau o masina cu care sa stau ore in sir blocat in trafic sau sa fiu stresat ca nu am loc de parcare sau ca mi-o zgarie vecinii invidiosi
• asta e foarte importanta, de la ea a pornit articolul: nu vreau sa ajung un burtos a carui idee de fun e sa stea la un gratar si un sprit cu tata-socrul o data la doua seri. O, Doamne, NU!
• in acelasi spirit: nu vreau sa imi irosesc timpul cu discutii de o ora cu socrii old-fashioned pentru a lua decizii in legatura cu orice situatie (daca mie imi place modelul ala de gresie, pe ala il iau si gata)
• nu vreau o nunta cu manele, melodii cliseu (brasoveanca si alte tampenii), trenulete
• daca o sa fiu putred de bogat, nu vreau sa imi cumpar haine din piele de cangur, ceasuri de 10.000 de euro sau masini de 100.000 de euro
• not to mention wife and kids: nu vreau o nevasta care sa vorbeasca cu accent in momentul in care povesteste in ce locuri exotice am fost (de fapt prefer sa nu povesteasca deloc) si nu vreau copii care sa ajunga atat de rasfatati incat sa considere ca totul le vine de-a gata si li se cuvine
• nu vreau sa-mi pierd prietenii buni pe drum
• nu vreau sa ma insor cu munca si sa dau toti banii munciti pe doctori si medicamente
• nu vreau sa fac chestii trendy pentru ca asa dicteaza spiritul de turma.. mai bine stau acasa
• nu vreau sa ma plafonez.. la nicio varsta, pe niciun plan; nu vreau sa ma multumesc cu ce e “satisfacator”
• nu vreau sa termin lista asta, dar nu vreau sa fiu plictisitor..

..deci inchei articolul aici.

Instinctul animalic la femei

Sunt mai letargic in seara asta. Asta inseamna ca am un libido care tinde spre zero. Asta inseamna ca animalul din mine doarme in momentul asta. Sau daca nu doarme, e un urs koala(lenes si prost).
Asta e bine, pentru ca o sa exprim niste idei mai nuantate decat voiam initial. Nu de alta, dar nu voiam sa las impresia ca sunt un misogin obsedat sexual.. pentru ca nu reactionez bine la critici, iar adevarul supara.
Ideea pentru articolul asta a pornit de la o discutie cu colegii de actorie, in care am picat de acord cu o colega open-minded asupra faptului ca femeile ar trebui sa poata actiona cand vor ele sub impulsul dorintelor/instinctelor lor, fara a fi judecate mai aspru decat barbatii. Sunt de parere ca, daca n-am trai intr-o societate guvernata de reguli si prejudecati, femeile ar fi cel putin la fel de spontane ca barbatii in satisfacerea dorintelor. Am cateva exemple care sustin afirmatia asta:

Barbatii se manifesta prea evident in majoritatea situatiilor. Cand vad o femeie atragatoare pe strada, intorc capul dupa ea, o examineaza, eventual mai fac si cate un comentariu care, in ciuda a ceea ce spera ei, in 99.9% din cazuri nu obtine reactia scontata. Dar cum se face ca in momentul in care dispare din ecuatie posibilitatea de a fi judecate de catre lumea din jur, femeile devin mai deschise(poate chiar mai salbatice) decat barbatii? Imagineaza-ti 500 de femei la un show de striptease masculin la care nu sunt admisi spectatori barbati sau camere de luat vederi. E una din putinele situatii in care simt ca gusta din fructul oprit si se pot manifesta cum vor ele. Vor urla mai mult decat barbatii, se vor ingramadi mai tare, vor vrea sa puna mana(compar doua grupuri, nu iau cazuri izolate.. oricum extreme se gasesc in ambele situatii). Poate din cauza ca s-ar simti, in sfarsit, razbunate pentru toate momentele de refulare.

Alt exemplu: intr-o relatie, tipa va fi foarte retinuta in a-si dezvalui fanteziile sexuale daca nu are incredere in partener sau daca nu este destul de deschis. Pentru femeile care citesc articolul asta, n-ati avut niciodata ganduri de genul “idiotule, trage-ma de par” sau “baga-ti nasul acolo, s-ar putea sa-ti placa si tie” sau “imi vine sa-mi bag ghearele in el”?
Da, da, da.. fiecare dintre noi are un animal in el, dar razbeste din ce in ce mai greu la suprafata. That’s evolution for ya.
Inca ceva, sunteti de acord ca daca o tipa ar sti din start daca poate avea incredere in intentiile unui potential iubit, ar fi deschisa ideii de sex la prima intalnire?
Ar mai fi multe de spus pe tema asta, dar deja s-a lungit articolul.

We’re all a bunch of animals.

Viewer generated choice

Ma plictisesc si am o groaza de subiecte despre care as putea scrie pe blog, dar mi-e cam lene. Asa ca va cer un mic feedback.

26.11.2008 – 22:25 Instinctul animalic la femei won by a landslide: 3 voturi, fata de urmatorul topic (2 voturi) OK, o sa scriu despre asta, desi.. imi omoara neuronii la ora asta.

27.11.2008 – 18:15 am scris si despre ce vreau sa evit in viata.

Angry mob

Am observat ca majoritatea bloggerilor scriu la un moment dat despre situatiile care ii irita. Unii fac lucrul asta doar cand sunt cu adevarat revoltati de ceva. Recunosc, am picat si eu in pacat, dar sper s-o fac cat mai rar. In schimb, exista persoane care, daca au un blog de succes(desi nu e o regula) isi inchipuie, cumva, ca s-au detasat de restul lumii si trebuie sa fie un exemplu pentru muritorii de rand.
De exemplu, zoso vorbea acum o saptamana despre cum refuza pungi de plastic la supermarket (bahaha). Da, si eu fac asta.. si nu ma obosesc sa explic vanzatoarei de ce sau sa scriu pe blog(whoops, I just did). Dar poate ca vanzatoarele de supermarket sunt cititoare impatimite de bloguri.
Dar nu despre zoso e vorba in articolul asta. E vorba despre frustrarea pe care ne-o varsam cu totii pe bloguri. Indiferent ca e reala sau disimulata(cu tenta comerciala). Toti avem cate o parere despre orice subiect si vrem sa ne-o impunem cu orice pret.
Suntem bombardati cu informatii in fiecare zi, iar fiecare le intelege cum il duce capul. Suntem influentabili, dar ne place sa credem ca am atins singuri niste ipoteze pertinente.
Ma rog, faza cu frustrarea o intalniti la fiecare pas: pe strada, in trafic, la metrou, etc. De-asta consider ca bloggerii sunt privilegiati pentru ca au ocazia sa exteriorizeze ce simt prin scris, decat sa tina o bata de baseball in portbagajul masinii, just in case.

We are the angry bloggers.

La naiba, iar am inventat un articol intreg doar ca sa pun o melodie pe blog. Trebuie sa incetez cu chestia asta Dar ideea e super tare si e exprimata doar in cateva cuvinte(in contrast cu ce-am scris eu mai sus, heh):

We are the Angry Mob,
We read the papers every day,
We like who we like, we hate who we hate,
But we're all so easily swayed.

In today’s news..

I wanted to share with you my perspective on two interesting topics that caught my eye today.

First, there is this article on Cyberchondria, a relatively new condition tightly linked to the availability of unfiltered information on the internet. Many people take advantage of the fact that the internet is a limitless source of information and take matters into their own hands when trying to understand symptoms they develop. Which, as the article points out, leads to mis-self-diagnosis and subsequent anxiety. I said I wanted to share my perspective on this: this concept can be generalized. Excess information and virtualization can be disruptive to one’s development. Take, for example, people who read an overly documented wikipedia article (or other sources) on some questionable topic and become obsessed with it, letting it dictate the way they act and evolve.

Or take, for example, people who feel at ease online – in discussion boards, social networking sites, etc. Which leads me to this article on a disturbing topic: web suicide. Yes, you got it: a guy took his own life by swallowing antidepressants and videocast the whole process, while viewers encouraged him and laughed about it. (!!!) My first thought on this is: “Fucking animals!”. But they’re much worse. Because I actually think that it’s a pity that some of our animal instincts are repressed and I’ll write on this in the near future. This is how I feel about this subject: I wouldn’t blame myself for not answering to one’s cry for help if they’re strangers or I barely know them. Call me a heartless bastard, but I wouldn’t like to be near such a person and absorb their negativeness (I can feel compassion for another person, as long as they’re not hurting themselves on purpose). But for God’s sake, if I saw someone trying to commit suicide, I wouldn’t fucking encourage them. Yes, I know the dumbasses in that chat room were some retarded teenagers, but it still makes me wonder what kind of thoughts are repressed by civilized people every day.

Tragic

Nu am avut timp sa scriu azi, dar hai sa debitez ceva inainte sa ma bag la somn:

Nu-mi merge liftul de 2 zile. Asta e un lucru bun, ca stau la etajul 8 si mai fac si eu un pic de miscare. Din pacate nu sunt genul sociabil cu vecinii, mai ales daca-i gasesc de speta joasa (si se gasesc din plin la mine in bloc). Anyway, cu ocazia defectiunii am aflat ca a murit cineva in bloc, la etajul 6. Azi dimineata erau 2 persoane pe hol, la un sprit. Fiecare celula din corpul meu s-a impotrivit, dar intr-un final m-am hotarat sa-i salut. Mi se raspunde pe ton dojenitor: “Dumnezeu s-o ierte”. “Bine, prietene, cum zici tu.. mai bine cauta borcanul ala cu muraturi, ca nu te vad bine dupa o noapte de inecat amarul”.

Am ajuns acasa pe la 12. Liftul tot defect. Fuck, iar trebuie sa trec pe acolo? Nu mare mi-a fost mirarea sa constat ca tovarasii de suferinta s-au inmultit. Erau vreo duzina si nu am putut decat sa le admir spiritul de camaraderie. Impreuna la bine si la.. priveghi (n-am zis “rau”). 2 dintre ei au fost vizibil deranjati cand am vrut sa trec, pentru ca stateau cu picioarele pe balustrada.

Dar mirosul. O, Doamne, mirosul! Pestilential si prevestitor de rau.. m-a luat prin surprindere, pentru ca eu eram pregatit pentru parfumul de corp in descompunere (e mai suportabil, crede-ma). 12 cocalari nespalati, 12 sticle goale sau aproape goale, 12 duzini de mucuri de tigara pe jos. Vreo doua sticle de energizant party-pack (sa nu fiu rau.. poate erau varianta priveghi-pack). Bleaaah!

Tragic.

Ce vor barbatii

Dupa ce am citit un articol care m-a revoltat, a trebuit sa dau o replica. Iar daca va plac dezbaterile infocate, aruncati o privire si aici.
Articolul asta e pus la misto, deci nu sariti cu gura pe mine. Ah, motivul ptr care zic ca e pus la misto e pentru ca nu acopera decat anumite aspecte.

Click aici pentru toate pozele.